The Official SYX Quote Collection Ver3.4
by Pam Smith Official Quote Collector of SYX! ([email protected]) ([email protected]) Last Update: 8/95 ---------------------------------------------------------------------- This is my attempt to compile all those wonderful X-Filisms. A great big *THANK YOU* to everyone who sent me quotes that I missed and the typos I made. :) If you see (or don't see) omissions, errors, etc... email me with the info. ENJOY! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- First Season ***The X-Files (pilot episode)*** Mulder: "Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted." Mulder: "Do you believe in the existence of *extraterrestrials*?" Mulder: "Oh, isn't it nice to be suddenly so highly regarded." Mulder: "I was under the impression that you were sent to spy on me." Mulder: "The guy obviously needed a longer vacation." Mulder: "You gotta love this place. Everyday's like Halloween." Scully: "Agent Mulder believes we are not alone." (Description: They coffin they lifted out of the grave rolled down the hill and cracked open. Mulder opens it and looks at a very small corpse and says:) Mulder: "It's probably a safe bet Ray Soams never made the Varsity Basketball team." Mulder: "So who did you tick off to get stuck with this detail, Scully?" Scully: "The answers are there, you just have to know where to look." Mulder: "That's why they put the "I" in FBI." Mulder: "Yeah, our boys came out here, enjoyed the local salmon, which with a little lemon twist is to die for... if you'll pardon the expression." Mulder: "I arranged to have the body exhumed. You aren't squeamish about that sort of thing, are you Scully?" Scully: "I don't know. I've never had the pleasure." Scully (answering the door): "Who is it?" Mulder: "Steven Spielberg." Mulder: "What's his name... Billy?... said he was sorry he didn't get to say goodbye." Mulder: "We lost nine minutes!" Scully: "We lost *WHAT*?" Scully: "You're saying that time disappeared! Time can't just disappear. It's a universal invariant!" (Dead car starts itself) Mulder: "Not in this zip code." (Description: Scully & Mulder's hotel is burning to the ground with all of their evidence inside) Scully: "There goes my computer." ***Deep Throat*** Mulder: "So what do you make of Uncle Fester, down the street?" (Description: S&M; in the car; M is putting tape into player) Scully: "What's that?" Mulder: "Evidence." (Loud heavy metal music starts. Scully looks exasperated and turns it off.) Mulder: "Kids today, huh?" Mulder: "You're the type of person who gives perversion a bad name." Mulder: "Later, dude!" Scully: "Mulder, did you see their eyes? If I were that stoned..." Mulder: "Ohh! If you were that stoned *what*?" Mulder: "Tell me I'm crazy." Scully: "Mulder. You're crazy." Mulder: "If we ignore them, do you think they'll go away?" Deep Throat: "Mister Mulder, why are those like yourself, who believe in the existence of extraterrestrial life on Earth, not entirely persuaded by all the evidence to the contrary?" Mulder: "Because, all the evidence to the contrary is not entirely persuasive." Deep Throat: "Precisely." ***Conduit*** (at the end of the tape of Mulder's hypnosis) Hypnotist: "Do you believe the voice?" Mulder: "I want to believe." Scully: "I just don't think it's a good idea to antagonize the local law enforcement." Mulder: "Who, me? I'm Mr. Congeniality." Scully: "You never know, we might need his help one of these days." Mulder: "I'll send him a bundt cake." ***The Jersey Devil*** Scully: "Working hard, Mulder?" Mulder (indicating to centerfold): "This woman claims to have been taken aboard a space ship and held in an anti- gravity chamber without food and water for three days." Scully (looking sideways at magazine): "Antigravity's right." (Description: Scully tells Mulder about a man who had his arms eaten off in New Jersey) Mulder: "Where in New Jersey?" Scully: "Just outside Atlantic City." Mulder: "Not an uncommon place to loose a body part." Scully: "It was your opening, Mulder. You could have really humiliated him and, uh, told him who the perpetrator was. The Jersey Devil." Scully's friend: "What about that guy you work with? You said he was kinda cute." Scully: "Mulder? He's a jerk. Well, he's not a jerk. He's... obsessed with his work." Scully (on the phone): "What's that sound in the backround?" Mulder: "That's someone getting sick." Scully: "Mulder, where are you? The drunk tank?" Scully: "Well, it's not hard to see why they mistook you for a vagrant. Mulder: "Are you going to rag on me or take me to get something to eat?" Scully: "Am I buying, or did you manage to panhandle some change while you were at it?" Scully: "I have a date." Mulder: "Can you cancel?" Scully: "Unlike you, Mulder, I would like to have a life." Mulder: "I have a life!" Mulder: "You should have seen her, Scully. She was beautiful." Scully: "Yeah? Well, she just about ripped your lungs out." Mulder (walking to the door): "What are you doing?" Scully: "Going with you to the Smithsonian." Mulder: "Don't you have a life Scully?" Scully: "Keep it up Mulder and I'll hurt you like that beast woman." Mulder: "Eight million years out of Africa..." Scully (holding door open for him): "And look who's holding the door." ***Shadows*** Mulder: "Hey Scully, do you believe in an afterlife?" Scully: "I'd settle for a life in this one." Mulder: "Do you know how hard it is to fake your own death? Only one person has pulled it off-- Elvis!" Mulder: "I would never lie; I willfully participate in a campaign of misinformation." Mulder: "You won't find too many people at their bosses' grave who aren't dancing on it." Scully: "Yeah, I'm fine, though I do have a standing in line at the DMV sized headache." Mulder: "Yeah. Mines more IRS sized." Scully: "Psychokinesis? You mean how Carrie got even at the prom?" MIB: "If any inquiry is made about this meeting, we request full denial." Mulder: "I'd say you people already suffer from full denial." Mulder: "Either that or a poltergeist." Scully (doing a CarolAnn impression): "They're heeeereee!" ***Ghost In The Machine*** Scully: "So, why did you two go your separate ways?" Mulder: "I'm a pain in the ass to work with." Scully: "No, seriously." Mulder: You mean I'm *NOT* a pain in the ass to work with?" Scully: "Must be for the visually impaired." Mulder: "How do you like that? A politically correct elevator." Mulder: "Maybe Drake was talking to someone before he doing his Ben Franklin impersonation." ***Ice*** (As the men start to strip for a their physical exam:) Mulder: "Before anyone passes judgement, may I remind you, we *are* in the Arctic." Mulder: "Scully, for God sakes, it's me!" Scully: "Mulder, you may not be who you are." Mulder: "Bring your mittens!" Mulder: "But the weather operator said we have a 3-day window for traveling." Radio Operator: "Welcome to the top of the world, Agent Mulder." Mulder: "Obviously, they either think we're brilliant or expendable, because we pulled the assignment." Mulder: "San Diego? Do you get much of a chance to study ice down there?" Denny: "Just what's around the keg." Scully: "Put it down!" Mulder: "You put it down first!" Mulder: "It's still there, Scully. 200,000 years down. In the ice." Scully: "Leave it there." ***Space*** Mulder: "...to deny us evidence." Scully: "Evidence of what?" Mulder: "Alien civilization." Scully: "Of course." Mulder: "Didn't you ever want to be an astronaut when you were growing up?" Scully: "I must have missed that phase." Scully: "Didn't you want to get his autograph?" Mulder: "You have to admit, that was exciting. Mission control and all." Scully: "Yeah. Ranks right up there with getting a pony and learning to braid my own hair." Scully: "It's an oxygen leak. Even *I* can figure out what happens if they run out of oxygen." ***Fallen Angel*** (Inside Mulder's trashed hotel room) Scully: "What's going on?" Mulder: "Looks like housekeeping hasn't been here yet." Max Fenig: "Somebody's always paying attention, Mr Mulder." Deep Throat: "Always keep your friends close, Mr McGrath, but keep your enemies closer." Mulder: "I didn't order room-service!" Scully: "That happens to be highly classified." Mulder: "It's a highly classified lie." Mulder: "The last detail starring Dana Scully." General: "No sir, it will not get away. Not this time." Mulder: "No government has jurisdiction over the truth." ***Eve*** Scully: "That's over four liters of blood." Mulder: "Could say the man was running on empty." Mulder: "And one of these girls was just abducted." Scully: "Kidnapped." Mulder: "Pa-tay-toe, puh-tah-toe." Eve 6: "I paid too much attention to a guard. Bit into his eyeball. I meant it as a sign of affection." Mulder: "Maybe they weren't looking in the right direction." (Points up) Scully: "Do you have a girl coming over?" Mulder: "What's a girl?" Mulder: "What are you doing here?" Deep Throat: "Thought we might take in a Warriors game" Eve 6: "This replication of chromosomes also produces additional genes. Heightened strength, heightened intelligence..." Mulder: "...Heightened psychosis." Eve 6: "You saved the best for last." Mulder: "That's a nice bunny, Tina." Mulder: "Back off, I'm a Federal Agent." Trucker: "Yeah, and these are America's Most Wanted." Woman: "I'll call the police." Scully: "We *are* the police!" Tina: "We're just little girls." Mulder: "That's the LAST thing you are." ***Fire*** Mulder: "That's weird. I was sure I locked it." Scully: "Must be an X-File." Mulder: "I was merely extending her a professional courtesy." Scully: "Oh, is *that* what you were extending?" Mulder: "Ten to one you can't dance to it." Scully: "So Sherlock, is the game afoot." Mulder: "I'm afraid so Watson." Phoebe: "Oh, come on. Don't tell me you left your sense of humor in Oxford ten years ago." Mulder: "No, actually, that's one of the things you didn't manage to drive a stake through." Scully: "Mulder, you just keep unfolding like a flower." Mulder: "Dana Scully, this is Phoebe Green. The terror of Scotland Yard." Scully: "Hello." Phoebe (whispering in Mulder's ear): "She hates me." Scully (as Phoebe): "Care to take me to lunch?" Scully: "So she shows up knowing the power she has over you and then she makes you walk through fire." Mulder: "Phoebe is fire." Scully: "Oh, I forgot what it was like to spend a day in court." Mulder: "That's one of the luxuries of hunting down aliens and genetic mutants. You rarely get to press charges." Scully: "Can I meet you somewhere?" Mulder: "No, it's just that I'm kind of anticipating having my hands full." Mulder: "Doesn't look like your arsonist is going to make an appearance." Phoebe: "That doesn't mean there won't be any fires, you know." Cecil: "Time to call 911." Nurse: "Can I get you anything, sir?" Cecil: "I'm just dying for a cigarette." ***Beyond The Sea*** Scully: "Did Boggs confess?" Mulder: "No, no, it was five hours of Boggs' 'channeling'. After three hours I asked him to summon up the soul of Jimmy Hendrix, and requested 'All Along The Watchtower'. You know, the guy's been dead twenty years, but he still hasn't lost his edge." Scully: "A woman senses these things." Scully: "That's a grim deadline." Scully: "Last time you were that engrossed it turned out you were reading the adult video news." Scully: "Mulder, do I detect a hint of skepticism?" ***GenderBender*** Mulder: "I know what I saw, Scully, and I saw you about to do the 'wild thing' with some stranger." Mulder: "What the hell were you doing back there?" Scully: "I don't know." Mulder: "You *don't know*?" Mulder: "How 'ya feeling?" Scully: "Better. A little embarrassed, actually." Mulder: "Why? You don't remember any of it?" Michael: "The club scene used to be so simple." Mulder: "Hold on to your hat, Scully, 'cause you're gonna *love* this!" Scully: "There's something up there Mulder." Mulder: "Ooooh, I've been saying that for years." Scully: "Aren't they famous for their abstinence and pure Christian ways?" Mulder: "Yes, but it looks like one of them may have forgotten to clean under his fingernails." Mulder: "Now, this....that's west." Scully: "What does the map say?" Mulder: "That we should be there already." (crumples up and drop-kicks the map and Scully catches it) Scully: "They had no means of transportation..." Mulder: "No *earthly* means of transportation." Michael: "Off the record" Mulder: "Scouts honor." Scully: "There's something up there, Mulder." Mulder: "Ooh, I've been saying that for years." Mulder: "*Radar love*" Mulder: "I'm gonna go back for a little look-see." Scully: "So, what is our profile of the killer? 'Indeterminate height, weight, sex; unarmed, but extremely attractive'?" Scully: "We can't rule out the possibility that the person we're talking about is a transvestite." Mulder: "I think Don Juan in there knows the difference between the male and female of the species." Mulder: "I know that is a puzzle." Mulder (in hick voice): "You need anything from the *feed store*?" Mulder: "Oh, for a 4-wheel drive." Mulder: "The Addams Family finds religion." ***Lazarus*** Mulder: "It was a nice story." (in response to the story of a pilot who strangled his wife with an electric cord) Mulder: "Can you at least accept the idea that during Willis' near- death experience some sort of psychic trauma occurred?" Scully: "Can't you accept that this isn't an X-File?" Greskin: "Mulder says he's got something." Agent: "What? An alien virus, or some new information on the Kennedy assassination?" Mulder: "I sense a big 'but' coming up." Mulder: "For those of you that don't already know, this one's special to me so lets do it right, OK?" ***Young At Heart*** Mulder: "Reggie thought I was full of it. I *was* full of it." Henderson: "This guy a friend of yours?" Mulder: "Yeah, I play golf with him every Sunday." Henderson: "10 minutes may be enough time for you, Mulder. Of course, I wouldn't know that from personal experience." Mulder: "Thanks, Henderson. I owe you one." Henderson: "Promises, promises." Mulder: "That guy in the ugly suit is probably CIA." Scully: "I still don't get it. What does that have to do with us?" Mulder: "Robbing a jewelry store is a federal crime." Scully: "Thank you." Mulder: "...I've got some dead man robbing jewelry stores and sending me haikus." Mulder: "I know what I'm not gonna do. I'm not going to wait around for John Barnett to send me another Valentine." Scully: "You mean the ghost of Barnett?" Mulder: "I didn't know you believed in ghosts, Scully." Mulder: "You were able to grow Barnett a new hand?" Dr Riddley: "Not exactly. Not a human hand, anyway. I could never get the cells to divide and behave properly." Scully: "I'm afraid to ask. What kind of hand *did* you grow?" Mulder: "How are you feeling?" Scully: "First time I've ever played the target." Mulder: "Let's make sure it's not the last." Scully: "Mulder, I know what you did wasn't by the book." Mulder: "Tells you something about the book, doesn't it?" ***E.B.E.*** Byers: "Vladamir Zhirinovsky, the leader of the Russian Social Democrats, is being put into power by the most heinous and evil force in the 20th century." Mulder: "Barney?" Scully: "Those lights the driver saw may have been swamp gas." Mulder: "Swamp gas?" Scully: "It's a natural phenomenon in which phosphane and methane rising from decaying organic matter ignite, creating globes of blue flame." Mulder: "Happens to me when I eat Dodger Dogs." Lone Gunman#2: "Is this your skeptical partner?" LG#3: "She's hot." LG#1: "You don't believe that the CIA, threatened by a loss of power and funding, because of the collapse of the cold war, wouldn't dream of having the old enemy back?" Scully: "I think you give the government too much credit. I mean, the government can't control the deficit or manage crime. What makes you think they can plan and execute such an elaborate conspiracy?" LG#3: "She *is* hot." Scully: "These were the most paranoid people I have ever met. I don't know how you could think that what they say is even remotely plausible." Mulder: "I think it's remotely plausible that someone might think you're hot." Mulder: "Some of their ideas are down-right 'spooky'." Byers: "That's why we like you, Mulder. You're ideas are weirder than ours." Langley: "Check it out, Mulder. I just had lunch with the guy that shot JFK. He's an old dude, now, but..." Mulder: "I tied up an air phone for three hours. I don't speak Japanese, but I think some businessman told me to stick a piece of sushi where the sun don't shine." Deep Throat: "If a shark stops swimming it will die. Don't stop swimming." ***Miracle Man*** Mulder: "The boy's been performing miracles for the past ten years-- twice on Sundays." Mulder: "I think I saw some of these people at Woodstock." Scully: "Mulder, you weren't at Woodstock." Mulder: "I saw the movie." Scully: "A few dozen grasshoppers doesn't constitute a plague." Mulder: "That girl..." Scully: "Who? Jessica Hahn?" Scully: "Apparently miracles don't come cheap." Scully (rinsing a lung in the sink): "Mulder, look at this." Mulder: "Do I have to?" Scully: "You've got that look on your face, Mulder." Mulder: "What look is that?" Scully: "The one where you've forgotten your keys and you're trying to get back in the house." ***Shapes*** Mulder: "A true piece of history, Scully. The very first X-File. Initiated by J. Edgar Hoover himself." Mulder: "How can you dismiss the evidence?" Scully: "Well, looks like nothing unexplainable here." Mulder (holding up a large thin layer of skin with tweezers): "Nope, not a thing." Ish: "I could smell you a mile away." Mulder: "They told me that even though my deodorant is made for a woman, it's strong enough for a man." Scully (looking skeptical): "The creeps?" Lyle: "Don't you ever get the creeps, Agent Scully?" Old Indian Man: "You even have an Indian name, Fox. Should be Running Fox or Sleepy Fox..." Mulder: "So long as it isn't Spooky Fox." ***Darkness Falls*** Scully: "What kind of insect could have gotten a man all the way up in a tree?" Mulder: "Itsy bitsy spider..." Scully: "Oh, a *brain* sucking amoebae." Mulder: "Come on, Scully. It will be a nice trip to the forest." Mulder: "I don't think even Bigfoot could choke down so much flannel." Scully (looking a desiccated loggers corpse): "It's male." Mulder: "Barely." Mulder (looking at picture): "Rugged, manly men in the full bloom of manhood." Scully: "Right, what am I looking for?" Mulder: "Anything unusual, unlikely, unexplainable... a boyfriend?" Scully: "What do you think?" Mulder: "I think I'm gonna suggest we sleep with the lights on." Mulder: "And if you can't...?" Bubblesuit: "*That* is not an option, Mr Mulder." Spinney: "These obviously are *not* your ordinary bugs." Mulder: "And I told her it would be a nice trip to the forest." ***Tooms*** Mulder: "Could you help me find my dog? He's a Norwegian Wolfhound. His name is Heinrich. I use him to hunt moose." Mulder: "No, you'd be in trouble just sitting in this car. And I'd hate to See you carry an official reprimand in your career file because of me." Scully: "Fox..." Mulder: "(laughs) I... I even made my parents call me Mulder..." Scully: "Mulder, I wouldn't put myself on the line for anybody but you." Mulder: "If there's iced tea in that bag, could be love." Scully: "Must be fate, Mulder- rootbeer." Mulder: (fakes a wounded sound and throws head back) Scully: "You're delirious. Go home and get some sleep." Mulder: "Do you think they would have taken me more seriously if I had worn the grey suit?" Mulder: "Tooms has been inside all day. I sat through a Phillies game, and Orioles game, and four hours of Ba-ba-booie. When it got dark, I walked around the block." Skinner: "You wouldn't be lying to me now, would you Agent Scully?" Scully: "Sir, I expect you to place the same amount of trust in me as I do in you." Old Man: "It's kinda cramped down there, but I'm sure you can squeeze in." Tooms (smiling): "Yes, I'm sure I can." Scully: "Mulder, It's getting a little ripe in here, don't you think?" Mulder (pulls air freshener out of glove box): "Pine-scented." Scully: "Conventional investigation of these cases may decrease the rate of success." Mulder: "You can get the next mutant." Scully: "Can you determine the cause of death? My instinct tells me that burial in cement is murder." ***Born Again*** Mulder: "Why is it so hard for you to believe?" Scully: "There weren't any ghosts flying around the precinct." Mulder: "Short of growing a mustache, what more will it take?" ***Roland*** Mulder: "I don't think they will be performing this experiment on Beakman's world." Mulder: "If he had plans to kill Surnow, Nolet, and Keats, why not make it appear the least likely suspect?" Scully: "Yeah. By the looks of this, (hold up picture of car crash) he's hamburger." Mulder (holding up shirt): "I think this would be stylin'." Dr. Barrington: "Due to the extensive trauma suffered during the accident, we were only able to preserve the head." Scully: "Wouldn't your client find it rather inconvenient to be thawed out, only to find that he has no functional mobility?" Mulder: "An egghead classic." Mulder: "How was the wedding?" Scully: "You mean the part where the groom passed out or the dog bit the drummer?" Mulder: "Did you catch the bouquet? Scully: "Maybe." Mulder: "You've got a brother, don't you, Scully?" Scully: "Yeah, I have an older one and a younger one." Mulder: "Have you ever thought about calling one of them all day and then the phone rings and it's one of them?" Scully: "Does this pitch somehow end in a way for me to lower my long distance charges?" Mulder: "I believe in psychic connections. Closest of all between family members." Scully: "OK, but in this case one family member has closer ties to a frozen fudgesicle than he does to his own brother." Mulder: "There is definitely something unexplainable here, Scully, but not unidentifiable." Scully: "OK, let's go. I have to call my brother." ***The Erlenmeyer Flask*** Scully: "If this is monkey pee, you're on your own." Scully: "Do we even know why the suspect was being chased?" Mulder: "As far as I can tell, he wouldn't pull over for a moving violation." Scully: "Well, that ought to put him on the ten most-wanted list." Mulder: "You think he does it because he gets off on it?" Scully: "No, I think he does it because *you* do." Deep Throat: "Calling it a night, Mr Mulder?" Mulder: "My mother usually likes me home before the street lights come on." Mulder: "I'm not going to give up. I can't give up. Not as long as the truth is out there." Scully: "I know by now to trust your instincts." Mulder: "Why? Nobody else does." Mulder: "The man we met yesterday kept this place like he was waiting for the people from Good Housekeeping to show up. I never would have pegged him to be the type to do all this. Or a Greg Louganis out the window." Mulder: "There's only one [scientist] who owned a silver sierra and went bungee jumping with medical gauze around his neck." MIB: "Your cellular phone has been ringing off the hook." Mulder: "I'm a popular guy. Why don't you answer it for me?" MIB: "Oh, I don't like talking on the phone. I have this thing about unsecured lines." Deep Throat: "Trust no one..." ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Tune in next posting for... The Second Season X-Filisms! ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Pam Smith (aka Squeaky the Camel) Official Quote Collector, Keeper of the SYX FAQ, SYXer#7, and Captain Video of SYX! EMXC Assistant Editor ------------------------------